And in the beginning…


The beginnings of my mental illness…Long before I had my first psychotic episode, I guess I knew something was wrong or that I was just different but never really admitted it to myself. I preferred to live my life in sublime denial dabbling a bit in drugs and alcohol, trying to fit in, that is, until cognitive behavioral therapy with the right therapist forced me to wake up and live or see things from a different perspective…

As a child I always felt like the one that was left out or that I just didn’t fit in. So my mother sent me to a psychologist at a very young age or maybe she sent me because it wasn’t normal for a child to be drawing naked people in the 1st grade. Today, I am a self-taught artist. You can check out my work at That was the first time I can remember getting in trouble and being sent off to some “shrink” to tell him or her about my problems, I guess. Little did I know that my future held seeing many more shrinks…

The second time I saw a “shrink” was when I came back from college in Miami at my mother’s suggestion. I never really wanted help at the time or to see these psychologists so I never heeded their advice. At that point in time, it was at the suggestion of a General Practitioner that perhaps I might be clinically depressed and I was started on Paxil, an antidepressant. Like that would solve the problems of a rebellious teenager. Of course it didn’t solve the problems my mother was hoping it would.

While on Paxil, I experienced my first psychotic episode. Stay tuned for next week’s update on that. I’m sure you’ll find it funny…

The picture is of a painting I did while institutionalized in 2014. It has never been seen.



Published by

Angelita Janssens-Peterson

Who am I? This is a question that is constantly being redefined especially in the wake of my diagnosed mental illness. My name is Angelita Janssens-Peterson and I struggle with schizoaffective disorder. Now, you might ask what the hell is schizoaffective disorder? Well from my understanding, it’s a bit of both worlds -schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. Where am I located? I live on a small island in the Caribbean named Saba which is close to St. Maarten. It is part of the Dutch Caribbean. This blog is about my personal story living with schizoaffective disorder. My goal is to publish one post per month. I hope to inspire others who may be affected with any type of mental illness, be it anxiety, depression, schizophrenia or bipolar disorder and just be a mental health advocate in general.

6 thoughts on “And in the beginning…”

  1. Angelita, You are so brave and beautiful. I admire your efforts to share your story. and in such a profound way. Bless you and keep it up. Your writing is clear and heartfelt.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Angelita ik ken je al zo lang, tenminste kennen, wat is nou eigenlijk kennen. Ik weet het een en ander van jezelf , je leven , je familie en levenspartner. Met altijd het idee dat er meer schuilt achter je mooie fysiek. En nu geef je jezelf zo bloot, en gebruikt daarbij zulke mooie indringende formuleringen. Het raakt me enorm , op meer niveaus dan ik hier kan melden, ik heb enorm respect voor je durf en openheid , je inspireert me, en ik zie geboeid uit naar je volgende blogs. Ik stuur jou en Bas de allerbeste wensen door cyberspace!

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s